mythago | September 3, 2005 12:27 AM

Thank you, John.

uhura | September 3, 2005 12:39 AM

Thank You.

Bruce Arthurs | September 3, 2005 12:59 AM

"Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away."

That one raised some memories. Back during my Army stint, I met a fair number of people who had joined the military, not for the training, not for the steady income, not for three hots and a cot each day, not for the GI Bill, but because the military would repair or replace the teeth rotting away in their head. Having bad teeth is one of THE major indicators of living in poverty.

Soni | September 3, 2005 01:02 AM

From someone who's been there, and can still see it in the rear-view mirror, these are dead on. If I might add a few from personal experience (the * ones are from my mom's POV, with the kids being me and my sibs) -

*Being poor is your kids getting excited on Dumpster-hunt day, because that's the only time they get to eat "real food" like cookies, fresh fruit and desserts.

*Being poor is staying with a man who beats your kids because you can't afford to keep them out of foster care without his salary.

Being poor means making decisions like "is stealing food a sin" outside of an ethics class.

*Being poor is scrambling under the car seats to make up enough change to get two happy meals to split between a family of 4 - and everyone is ecstatic when you do so.

Being poor is realizing that heating and eating will probably be mutually exclusive this month.

*Being poor is find that your landlord has tied $20 to your steering wheel out of pity.

Being poor is finally realizing that when your Mom says you can be anything you want, she doesn't really believe it, but feels she has to keep saying it anyway to keep the whole family from falling into despair-based lifestyles.

Being poor is learning to live with condemned-quality housing because coming up with the first and last month's rent, plus utility deposits, you'd need to move is a pipe dream.

Being poor is discovering that that letter from Duke University, naming you as one of three advanced students in your class invited to test out of HS early into their scholarship program, is just so much firestarter because the $300 it costs to take the test may as well be $3 million.

Despair is finally realizing, at nearly 36 and with a barely-afforded AA in English from a community college, just where you could have been by now had you had $300, and what that missed opportunity has truly cost you.

Eliani Torres | September 3, 2005 02:49 AM

Being poor is understanding that the lowest, poorest, starvingest time of the month for anyone on public assistance is exactly when Katrina hit.

Erika | September 3, 2005 03:24 AM

I laughed with tears in my eyes to see some of these because that is what it's like.

Being poor is taking a cash advance from the credit card--to pay the credit card minimum bill.

Adara | September 3, 2005 04:25 AM

Your timing couldn't be better. I needed to read this today. Thank you.

Casey | September 3, 2005 07:53 AM

Every one is spot on. Spot on.

Anna | September 3, 2005 07:53 AM

Being poor is trying to decide which one of you gets to eat today - the one of you that is pregnant or the one of you that can work.

Ilona | September 3, 2005 09:07 AM

Being poor is fighting with someone you love because they misplaced a $15 dollar check.

Being poor is stealing wood from Wal-Mart parking lot because it's cold and you have no money to buy some.

Being poor is a sick, dreadful feeling of your stomach dropping out when the phone rings, because you know it's a bill collector and you know you'll pick it up anyway on a one in a million chance someone does want to hire you.

Being poor is laying down because it hurts to breathe and you are pregnant, but you can't afford to go to the hospital.

Being poor is crying when $50 bill you didn't expect gets taken from your paycheck.

Being poor is knowing exactly how many hours and minutes you'll have to work extra to make up for that bill.

Being poor is knowing that no matter how hard and how much you work, you still can't cover it all.

Being poor means never forgeting that the bills aren't paid.

Thank you for your post.

Beth | September 3, 2005 09:29 AM

Wow.

Being poor is calculating how much you think your take-home will be on the first day of your new job, and discovering two weeks later you were drastically wrong.

Being poor is like being an alcoholic (but about money). You're always aware where your last dollar came from, where your next dollar is coming from and exactly how many dollars you (don't) have.

Growing up poor is spending the rest of your life trying to escape (and never realizing that you have).

Cynthia | September 3, 2005 09:35 AM

John, you nailed this right on the head. Being poor means looking at life in such a different way that most people can't imagine it.

Julia | September 3, 2005 09:53 AM

Thanks for this blog, and this post.

Being poor means that you're the richest person in your family when you're a grad student.

Being poor means being grateful that you're living paycheck to paycheck.

Being poor means knowing viscerally the difference between poverty and struggling middle class.

Growing up poor means you feel guilty when you escape, because your siblings didn't.

Amanda Miller | September 3, 2005 09:57 AM

Being poor means saving the plastic containers and jars from yogurt or spaghetti sauce so you can take milk with you to school in your lunch after they lower the income limit for free lunches and your mom makes $3 more than the limit.

James Goodman | September 3, 2005 10:03 AM

Being poor is knowing that commodity cheese tastes like heaven on an empty stomach.

Being poor is catching a beating because you fell through the rotting floor of the bedroom of your trailer. Your brother is already sick and even with the bard nailed over the hole, it’s letting cold air in.

Being poor is getting your school clothes from the trunk of a community outreach car and hope they fit better than last years.

Being poor is choosing between the lesser of two evils and not realizing it.

Being poor is having a few books, but none of them with covers.

Being poor is having sheets for curtains.

Being poor is wishing the sheet that separates your bed from the rest of the kitchen was dark enough not to let the light shine through.

Being poor is a motivator to never be as poor as your parents.

Being poor makes you appreciate everything you’ve earned.

Being poor gives you the ability to look at supporting your still poor mother as an honor not a burden.

Being poor is looking back and wondering how you survived.

Being poor is worrying that someday you will wake up, find yourself lying beneath a blanket in the back of that station wagon and realizing that your escape and rise was just a dream.

Cece | September 3, 2005 10:06 AM

Being poor means swallowing your pride and walking into the food stamp office because you don't want your kids to go hungry, then sitting there smiling, while some social worker (gleefully) humiliates you as she goes over your application.

adamsj | September 3, 2005 10:18 AM

Takes me back:


Being poor is a month with 28 spaghetti dinners, 2 invitations over to eat, and a day without.


Being poor is carrying your fiancee to the hospital to miscarry, then using their phone to call around for someone to take you back home, since there aren't beds for Medicare patients.


Being poor is wondering what sort of fool drops a penny on the ground and doesn't pick it up.

bellatrys | September 3, 2005 10:41 AM

Being poor is wondering what to say when your friends ask you to join them for coffee in the campus coffee shop, and you can't because you thought you had a couple bucks cash but you must have left it in your coat at home, and so you have to use all the change you dug up from under the seat for gas to get home after classes.

Because of course you can't afford to *live* on campus...

Natali | September 3, 2005 10:48 AM

Thank you John. This post means a lot to me.

del | September 3, 2005 11:03 AM

Being poor is getting up at six-thirty to walk to work because you don't have money for the bus.

Being poor is buying the 25 cent loaf of bread at the grocery store and making it last for lunch and dinner.

Being poor is pretending to any major, religion or career interest to get free pizza on campus.

Being poor is not being able to afford clothes from Goodwill.

Anonymous | September 3, 2005 11:04 AM

Being poor means dreading getting a Christmas present from the Fireman's Charity, because you'll end up on TV and everybody at school will find out.

Georgiana | September 3, 2005 11:09 AM

Being poor is wearing the same dress to school every day for four months, then getting "new" clothes from the church for Christmas and changing your clothes three times in one day because you can.

Thank you John.

deja pseu | September 3, 2005 11:10 AM

Being poor means not being able to take a better job because the shift ends are after the busses stop running, and you don't feel safe walking the two miles home after dark.

Columbine | September 3, 2005 11:39 AM

There are more than a few walls I would like to pin this to.

It seems a shame that people need to have been there to understand it intrinsically, that we have to have driven our junkers and worked our deadening night shifts at gas stations with a baseball bat under the counter and routinely known exactly how many months you could let each utility go before they'd cut it off, and done the "steal or starve?" question ... maybe more than once. Maybe more than a few times.

Why is is so hard to remember poverty once you get past it, if you get past it? Why is it so hard to empathize with poverty if you have never had it? What the hell is wrong with us?

tina | September 3, 2005 11:43 AM

This needs to be emailed to al the major news organizations and printed on the OP-Ed page. the people who suffer most in all these disasters are always the poor. this is not a race story..it is a class one. people who have always had money and food and ..goddamn gasoline!..do not have even the remotest clue how it is to live like this. this event in the SE is going to highlight the difference between the haves and havenots.

Being poor is registering for RedCross training even tho your waiting on job replies and knowing you will not be paid for Redcross..but you must do something to help right now!

R.Porrofatto | September 3, 2005 11:49 AM

Excellent, and excellent comments. There are so many more, but I would add these:

Being poor means learning firsthand the meaning of words like "eviction," "garnishee," "repossess," and "transient motel."

Being poor means paying the special poor taxes—parking tickets for the old car in disrepair on the street because you have no other place to put it, fines for the busted taillight or the expired license, fees for cashing the government check, and so on.

Being poor means paying a premium on food and goods at local stores that jack up prices for being in a poor neighborhood, or simply because they can.

Being poor means buying bread at the "day old store" even though it's a lot older than one day.

Being poor means paying high prices for exprired meat at the bodega, because there isn't a supermarket chain willing to open a store in your neighborhood.

Jon Hansen | September 3, 2005 11:49 AM

Aw, man. This broke my heart.

Henry Richardson | September 3, 2005 12:05 PM

Being poor means your 10 cent an hour raise is almost negated by the 25 cent increase in bus fare.

derek | September 3, 2005 12:07 PM

Being in a "socialist" country makes some of those look really weird, sometimes in one direction, sometimes in the other. They fall into three categories:



- the ones that are still spot on, whichever country you're from

- the ones where the phrase "being poor" coexists with the phrase "your car". People who own cars, hell, people who have someone in the family who ever learned to drive, can't be poor!

- on the other hand, there are the ones where being poor means good hospitals and good schools aren't for you. We were poor, not *animals*.



As to the last, I'm thankful to have grown up a civilised first-world country.

derek | September 3, 2005 12:10 PM

I could have sworn I specified which country I was from in that last message (the UK)

Tess | September 3, 2005 12:19 PM

I am grateful for what I did have in my youth (which wasn't much) and I've realized in the past 8+ years of parenthood, that I had more than others...that said, I challenge American citizens (of all classes, races, religions, etc) to demand that a fund be set up, along the lines of The Liberty Fund in NYC post 9/11, to benefit these survivors. Aren't they as deserving as middle and upper class widows/widowers/children in the East Coast in the richest city?

Thank you for this thread!

C.J. | September 3, 2005 12:32 PM

Being poor means watching your disabled child get worse and worse because you can't afford the therapies.

Being poor means having your life gone over with a fine tooth comb to see if you're bad enough to help.

Being not poor means realizing you still can't afford the thereapy, and there's no 'help' because you're not poor.

El | September 3, 2005 12:40 PM

Being poor is feeling ashamed when your 'peers' slam WalMart, and talk about buying organic, and the horrors of driving gass-guzzling cars, all while wondering why you repeatedly find ways to not join them at $15/plate social dinners.

Being poor is avoiding spending time with people you care about, because you don't want to have to answer "how are you doing?".

PiscusFiche | September 3, 2005 12:42 PM

Anonymous: I am totally on with you about the Christmas present from the Fireman's Charity. When I was fifteen or sixteen, my dad became unemployed for the first of what was many years, and half a year later, at Xmas, we received a mysterious box of presents on our front porch. At the time, being a prideful teenager, I was incandescent with rage, because you know, we weren't THAT poor. And yet at the same time, I felt guilt, because I knew that it would ease the Xmas burden on my parents and whoever had done it was just trying to be nice. I just felt reminded of my poverty.

Being poor is having to explain to your friends why all the food in your house has a welfare organisations logo on the packaging.

Being poor is having your best friend's mother compliment her for hanging out with you--shows good moral fiber, don't you know.

Being poor is having your mum scrimp and save to get you the latest "in" thing, just as it goes out of style. (But you wear it anyway, so she doesn't feel bad, and then all the kids at school make fun of you.)

Being poor is being the family that everybody knows it's okay to pick on.

Being poor is having your house egged and a firecracker tossed through your front door because some kid thought it was funny.

Being poor is losing your special lunch card and seeing the snotty kid across the street find it, chop it up with scissors, and return the pieces to you.

Being poor is getting one box of sugar cereal on your birthday, and a package of chocolate mix for Xmas.

Being poor is one meal a day, if that.

Being poor is worrying about appendicitis every time you ovulate.

Being poor means going to a church school on a Pell grant and trying to get your associate degree in one year, because you know your sibs are close on your tail, and your family has barely enough money to send you.

Being poor means even with a scholarship, you can't go to Art Center.

(Granted, these are all a little less than universal, but this entry called up some of these old memories.)

(not the same) Katrina | September 3, 2005 12:52 PM

Thank you.

wyldmuse | September 3, 2005 12:52 PM

So many of these have been true for me. I'm a little better off now, but for a few months out of every year, I still feel the crunch. So here's mine:

Being poor takes time. Time to wait in line for the reduced-price clinic while gathering all your paperwork, and hoping you have it in order so you won't be sent home to get one little slip of paperwork. Time to wait in line at the food bank, where people fight to get to the one box of expired Entemann's first. Time that you spend walking back home or waiting beside your POS car because it broke down for the umpteenth time. Time that you spend at your minimum wage fast food job after hours because you really don't want to go home, and the manager might just feed you.

Thel | September 3, 2005 12:53 PM

Being poor is offering to "go buy a soda" for your visiting sister-in-law, knowing already that you'll have to use your EBT (food stamp) card to get it and hear the woman in line behind you cluck at you and lecture you on what a horrible person you are to use "her tax dollars" on a frivolous soda.

mythago | September 3, 2005 01:01 PM

Being poor means that if you pull yourself up and stop being 'poor,' you will still be struggling and behind, because a large chunk of your money will go toward cleaning up all the stopgaps, mistakes, and overcharges you accumulated when you were poor.

People who own cars, hell, people who have someone in the family who ever learned to drive, can't be poor!

derek, in the US this isn't true.

Jaq | September 3, 2005 01:07 PM

Being poor is always walking.

Being poor is everything gets washed by hand in the bathtub with the smallest amount of dollar-store detergent.

Being poor means saved up bacon grease for re-use.

Being poor means saved up tea bags for re-use.

Being poor means drinking hot water, when those teabags finally lose all their flavor.

Being poor means choosing between a cup of coffee, a newspaper, or a load at the laundrymat. You can't have all three, or even two of them. ever.

Being poor means always the library, never the book store.

Being poor is everything must be mended, pinned, taped, glued or stapled for a little more use.

Being poor means two or three jobs, and never enough time, sleep, or money. never.

punkrockhockeymom | September 3, 2005 01:10 PM

John, thanks for this. This is so spot-on it hurts. And I don't have to do any of these things any more, but you really don't ever forget what it's like to do them.

Being poor is eating no-brand hotdogs and the cheap ramen every day for two months because otherwise you couldn't afford formula for the baby.

Being poor is really, really pushing your two-year old during potty training, because diapers are really, really expensive.

Being poor means that the $50.00 subtraction screw-up in balancing the checkbook throws you into a year-long spiral of out-of-control debt and bounced check fees.

Being poor means you sign every single free credit application that comes in the mail, and use the 28% cash advance checks to get cash with which you can pay the electric bill, and then wait for the next set to pay the new ones off.

Being poor means you use the money your in-laws send your kid for his birthday to buy peanut butter and pay the pediatrician.

Being poor means that you bring a bag of potato chips to every family gathering as your dish to pass.

Being poor means that you laugh hysterically when you watch the financial planning segments on the Today Show, because the thought of starting a college fund for your child is so far beyond the pale that if you don't laugh, you'll start to cry and you'll never stop.

Being poor means that three years after you're not poor anymore, you still know exactly what everything costs; you still feel like a dinner at Chili's or even Wendy's is a huge splurge; and you still feel like you can't afford to buy a six dollar belt at Target. And you still buy ramen.

Anne O'Nymous | September 3, 2005 01:12 PM

Being poor is feeling like a failure every time you and your father discuss your "financial restructuring" because neither of you wants to say the word "bankruptcy."

Being poor is obviously your fault, even though the biggest, fattest reason you had to file bankruptcy in the first place was because your husband frivolously got cancer while laid off. How silly of him! And then he couldn't find a new job until he was done with treatment because oddly, employers are shy of hiring bald, vomiting people with IV ports taped into their arms.

Being poor is being horrified when you see a very young person from your area with an arm, neck, or hand tattoo, not because corporate America generally bans such things... but because fast-food and retail America does, too.

Being poor is being bumped by somebody carrying a Prada tote bag on your way to pick up your paycheck... and instantly realizing, without having to calculate, that in terms of actual cash value, the tote bag is worth far more than the paycheck.

Anonymous | September 3, 2005 01:24 PM

Being poor is not going to college right after graduating high school because if you wait until you're old enough then your "Expected Family Contribution" will be zero.

badgerbag | September 3, 2005 01:27 PM

Being poor is always stealing toilet paper and tampons.

klostes | September 3, 2005 01:28 PM

Being poor means getting a part-time, minimum wage (then $3.35 an hour) janitorial job, and being told that the Union would take $35 a month in dues from your wages.

mythago | September 3, 2005 01:34 PM

Being poor means selling blood plasma and signing up for every medical experiment they'll let you into, and breezing past the disclaimer form because, really, are you going to give up $100 just because you may be risking injury or death from whatever they're giving you?

Ocean's Edg | September 3, 2005 01:41 PM

You've brought tears to my eyes this morning.

Memories I'd rather forget, and a reminder that I've still got a ways to go.

Lauren McLaughlin | September 3, 2005 01:42 PM

I love you, Scalzi.

Firinel | September 3, 2005 01:53 PM

- Being poor is spending money you know you don't have on a candybar because you need something to cheer yourself up enough to get out of bed.

- Being poor is running up pans of water you heated on the stove so your mom can have a bath, knowing she'll do the same for you then.

- Being poor is knowing baby powder sprinkled in your hair means one more day it isn't so greasy you've got to try to wash your hair in freezing water in the middle of winter.

- Being poor is sleeping everyone to one bed so you're a little bit warmer.

- Being poor is hoarding the money meant for your reduced lunch so you can get yourself new shoes and your family doesn't need to worry.

- Being poor is getting socks and underwear for Christmas.

- Being poor is having friends who's parents won't let them sleep over because you live in that part of town.

- Being poor is not caring that starchy carbs are bad for you, rice and pasta are cheap, and it's either that, or nothing at all.

- Being poor is throwing away the envelopes from bill collectors straight away because there's no point in even opening them.

- Being poor is making the windshield wipers of your car go by tying rope to them and pulling them side-to-side while your mom drives.

- Being poor is the lunchlady feeling bad for you so she sneaks you leftovers from after all the classes have eaten, for you to take home for dinner.

- Being poor is learning to like skim milk because it's a nickel cheaper than whole.

- Being poor is learning how to syphon gas from your (er, or others') lawnmower because there's no more money for a tank of gas for the car.

- Being poor is grinning at memories that this post has brought up, rather than describing it as 'heartbreaking'.

Scott | September 3, 2005 02:01 PM

Being poor is being happy that your child is disabled enough to get you more government aid.

chris | September 3, 2005 02:13 PM

Not being poor is doing your homework locked in your room while your mom goes out to buy whiskey and your dad doesnt give a shit that you are alive.

Anonymous | September 3, 2005 02:15 PM

Great post, John. Thank you.

River | September 3, 2005 02:18 PM

Being poor means that although you actually own a house, and it's paid off, you're worried that it'll be taken because you can't afford to pay the property taxes (let alone take out a mortgage to pay them).

Being poor means your husband is working - when he can get work - at Labor Ready, and you're at the food bank. Being poor means your husband is sharing his main meal of the day with someone who hasn't eaten for three days.

Being poor means not being able to afford the $10 co-pay at the free clinic.

Being poor means the only reason you're able to eat meat is that your best friend raised it. You're supposed to pay her back for the cost of the feed, but you can't.

Being poor means you can't afford to go to a job interview because you don't have transit money.

anon | September 3, 2005 02:19 PM

Being poor is rejoicing the fact you miscarried

Being poor is driving to a free crisis center for an abortion when you know you're pregnant

Being poor is hating yourself for having children when you can't even afford to look after yourself.

Being Poor with children means you know you failed at providing them a good life.

mythago | September 3, 2005 02:20 PM

chris, people who are not poor can also have difficult, shitty lives. Nobody's said otherwise, so can you kindly stifle the "hey, what about me?!" urge?

Kathy P. | September 3, 2005 02:20 PM

I've been on both sides of the fence, although not as tragically poor as some folks. The one thing I remember most about being less well off than everyone else was having an outfit that my grandmother bought new for me in seventh grade last me until my first daughter was born, some ten or more years later....I still have clothes that are more than five years old. I can't get over that part of me that says "if it still fits, wear it".

Anonymous | September 3, 2005 02:24 PM

Being poor is stealing food. From the grocery store, from the dumpster in back of the Pizza Hut.

Being poor is ketchup sandwiches. When you're pregnant.

Being poor is sleeping in stairwells.

Being poor is washing up in public bathrooms and sampling fragrances at the department store so you don't smell bad.

Being poor is becoming a stripper just to make the rent, and hating yourself for it.

T.W. | September 3, 2005 02:25 PM

Being poor means mom and dad do not sit and eat dinner with you. They eat after the kids are done with what's left. Dad's dinner is wiping clean the bits from the frying pan with a piece of bread.(He still does that out of habit just like grandpa.)

Anonymous | September 3, 2005 02:33 PM

Being poor is all generic food all the time.

Being poor is food pantry visits once a week because they'll give you the staples you need in small amounts.

Being poor is being car-less, because any car would cost too much.

Being poor is hoping you can survive for six months or more while you try to get disability. When they reject you, you need to appeal, and then appeal again before you'll be accepted. (Almost everyone not paraplegic is rejected at first.)

Eliani Torres | September 3, 2005 02:34 PM

Feeling poor is having experienced enough want to imagine actually being poor, yet still estimating indulgence, literacy, safety, and luxury. I correct myself after discussing this post at home and remembering visits to Santo Domingo and the interior of the Dom. Rep.: I may have felt poor at various points in my life, but I have never ever come close, even while being able to afford no more than a half-gallon of milk per month or using dishwashing liquid for shampoo.

I think there is still a lot unimaginable from the top (such as running out of money at the second or third week of the month, every month), just as the view from the middle of doesn't recognize its own invisible wealth, while other millions are accustomed to the fact that every day can be the day one dies of poverty.

Me | September 3, 2005 02:37 PM

Being poor is not having sex because you can't afford birth control and you're smart enough to not get pregnant

Dirty | September 3, 2005 02:40 PM

Being poor is knowing 'Hot Water + free fast food Ketchup packs = Tomato Soup'.

Being poor is having the electricity shut off on Christmas Eve. You'd call the family, but the phone went off last month.

Being poor is paying for food and gas with pennies.

Being poor is stealing newspapers from the recycle bins to burn in your secondhand hibachi for heat.

Being poor is pounding nickles with a hammer to the size of quarters to fool older coin-op washering machines.

Being poor is knowing that you can send free mail by putting your own address in the middle and the intended address in the 'return to' corner...

Dirty | September 3, 2005 02:44 PM

Being poor is rejoicing in the fact that after five years, the color of your expired vehicle tags has cycled back around, and there's less of a chance of getting pulled over for your 2001 tags.

Barbara | September 3, 2005 02:44 PM

Being poor is counting your food money for the week and knowing you will have to walk the two miles to the grocery with three children under the age of six.

Being poor is buying what you can afford and carry while walking that two miles.

Being poor is counting the change and going back to buy YOUR food, because everything you bought has to go to feed the kids.

Being broke is making a meal and sitting the kids down at the table, and sipping a glass of watered down powedered milk while they eat.

Being poor is hearing your daughter tell you twenty years later that she finally realized that 'Mommy already ate, sweetie' was a lie.

Being poor is not being able to afford to pursue the ex who owes you child support.

Being poor is having a judge give him custody because HE isn't poor.

Penny | September 3, 2005 02:47 PM

Poor never seems to leave us completely. No matter what we do or have done, we will always be haunted by the tears and shame of poverty. The worst part: even if our kids escape, THEY REMEMBER forever. A legacy we'd rather not give.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 02:49 PM

Being poor means another year, another stolen Christmas tree.

L337 | September 3, 2005 02:51 PM

Being poor is having someone tell you that if you own _____ (A car, a TV, a bed) then you really aren't poor, & realizing they're either stupid, or worse off than you

Dirty | September 3, 2005 02:54 PM

Being poor means you aren't truly hungry until the third day without food.

Being poor means never chipping in for pizza. On a good day, you'll still get a pity slice.

pictruandtru | September 3, 2005 02:57 PM

Being Poor is only bad if you don't help yourself when able. A lot of the "poor" receiving assistance have a higher standard of living than many middle class who struggle to makes ends meet.

You turn down a better job because it'll cut your "benefits." You live in a subsidized house with reduced energy bills, you have Medicaid insurance, you get back $4800 on your tax return. You're not married, but the baby's daddy stays over every night. You're able to get your hair done, along with your nails at least once every two weeks. You have every channel on cable. You have the latest smallest cell phone with all the options. You love clothes, and have the latest fashions, including shoes. You love to go out every week!

A State program worker told me a couple of years ago that a single mother on assistance could make $34,000 a year if she maximized all the programs, and didn't identify the father of all her children, and didn't admit that a man lived with her.

Its sad that people are poor, but those with some shame and dignity that work every day to make it are far richer than some other folks.

pictruandtru

derek | September 3, 2005 02:57 PM

derek, in the US this isn't true.

I understand that things can be different from place to place and time to time, which is why I posted my own gut reaction, borne of my own background, for your amusement.

I wonder if you ever will?

Dirty | September 3, 2005 02:57 PM

Being poor means a 4 hours of commuting for a 6 hour shift.

Being poor means fishing for coins in your friend's couch while he's in the bathroom.

anon a mouse | September 3, 2005 02:59 PM

Being poor means putting a beloved pet to sleep because you can't afford the vet bill.

Being formerly poor means that your never-poor spouse resents the hell out of the fact that you still give your mom and siblings money - money that could have gone to "our" family. It means your spouse never quite thinks of your family as her family too because the resentment is there.

Anon | September 3, 2005 03:04 PM

Being poor is throwing up six times a day because you are pregnant and don't have health care.

Being poor means that you can't even scrape together enough change to ride the bus to the neonatal clinic, and it's the middle of summer and too far to walk.

Being poor means pondering an abortion because you know everybody around you is equally strapped for cash, you only get one meal a day, and you don't see that changing in the immediate future.

Being poor means after much tears and thought, when you finally decide to have the abortion, you have to borrow the money to get it done.

Being poor means that if you'd kept the baby, some rich people would accuse you of abusing the welfare system.

Being poor means that by getting the abortion, some rich people accuse you of murder.

Being poor means weeks of crying and hating yourself.

theman | September 3, 2005 03:04 PM

being poor is feeling all the eyes judging you, measuring you, and coming to the conclusion that you don't belong; when all you want is to be away in the comfortable place you don't have.

being poor is never to be introduced in a non-condescendent way.

being poor is spending the money your parents and brother saved to go to find work in new york, as everybody's hero; and crying over the phone saying everything is fine.

being poor is seeing your parents work a month to make what converts to five hundred dollars. and support a family with that, and dream.

being poor is being exploited by rich people while you smile, not to be fired.

being poor is not having the dollars to buy your freedom.

being poor is mom and dad being humiliated saturday and sunday to pay your failed attempt at the american dream, because first you're not american, second you are not rich, third you are not america educated, and all those dollar-master slavering world wonderpeople can tell you, making fun, is: born in the wrong country pal, hahaha.

being poor is working hard and never had worked enough.

being poor is paying a debt to the rich for being born in their world.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 03:04 PM

Being poor means hanging out your used paper towels to dry.

Being poor makes you appreciate the value of free napkins, plastic food utensils, matches, condiment packages, plastic bags, or any other giveaway item of use in the home.

Being poor means never having leftovers.

Being poor means your furniture has had at least two previous owners (and it probably was designed for patio use).

John Scalzi | September 3, 2005 03:05 PM

FYI: Nick Mamatas has a few additions to the list (from an international perspective) here.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 03:07 PM

Being poor means this is my last post for now on the matter, because the library has time limits on Internet use.

derek | September 3, 2005 03:12 PM

pictruandtru: you, more than anyone else here, need to read John's article over and over again, until you get it. It was you he wrote it for.

Being poor is people wondering why you didn't leave.

TJIC | September 3, 2005 03:12 PM

Having bad teeth is one of THE major indicators of living in poverty.

It's an even better indicator of not brushing or flossing. Bad teeth are not about poverty: it's about bad memes.

The majority of the bullet points listed in this post don't strike me as being caused by poverty, but as CAUSING poverty. Spening money on lotto tickets? Buying name brand breakfast cereal instead of generic oatmeal? RENTING FURNITURE? People aren't forced into these things by poverty; they're forced into poverty by these things.

Joanne | September 3, 2005 03:17 PM

Being poor (or having been poor) means you know that if there is a devistating economic crisis, you will know how to survive when those who never were poor are paralized with fear. Being poor is knowing you are strong and resourceful.

Anonymous | September 3, 2005 03:20 PM

Damn, I'm spoiled.

chris | September 3, 2005 03:21 PM

I've also been "mostly" poor, but not desperately so. My addition is:

Being poor is sitting in your car crying uncontrollably because the car has run out of gas, again.

John Isbell | September 3, 2005 03:21 PM

Being poor means the smell of mold.

Anonymous | September 3, 2005 03:24 PM

For too many Americans who should know better, being poor is your own damn fault.

Mark | September 3, 2005 03:27 PM

- Not being poor is feeling like shit for wearing what you wear around less fortunate people.

- Not being poor is having to watch your parents try to stop you from having poor friends.

- Not being poor makes any deed you do for a poorer person look like a charity, and thus have the person hate you for it.

- Not being poor is having to watch a good-willed soul go down the wrong path, and you can't say or do anything because they don't even want to lay eyes on you.

mythago | September 3, 2005 03:28 PM

Bad teeth are not about poverty

Being poor means that dumbasses who have never themselves been poor will tell you that if only you'd brushed your teeth harder, if you'd bought shitty store-brand Raisin Brand one time less, if you'd gone shopping at IKEA instead of renting furniture, then by jingo, you'd be comfortably middle-class too!

As you didn't know, TJIC, part of being poor is that you have to be penny-wise and therefore don't have much choice about being pound-foolish. Yes, it is cheaper to buy a functional couch for $300 than to rent one at $15/month. Of course, if all you have to spend on furniture is $15, then you're kind of stuck, aren't you?

You turn down a better job because it'll cut your "benefits."

Which, in fact, it will.

I wonder if you ever will?

Posted my gut reaction? Actually, I chose to politely say that things in the US are different, rather than assuming that naturally, everywhere in the world is or should be just like the US, so of course you would know what is and isn't normative here. I apologize; next time I'll do the scolding lecture thing.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 03:31 PM

Being poor increases your chances of using alternative energy sources- specifically, male/male extension cords and stolen car batteries.

clvrmnky | September 3, 2005 03:34 PM

As a born-and-bred welfare kid raised by TV and cheap supermarket off-brands, I see my mother in many of these statements. She worked so hard to raise herself out of crushing poverty, with little or no useful help from the government or well-meaning "liberals" with social-science degrees that I can only shake my head and wonder how it was I got out of the poverty trap at all.

I think I was just lucky. I also happen to be white and male, and I'm reasonably sure in today's world this is a certain advantage.

Nothing in this list is histronics or exageration. Being poor is like this to a greater or lesser extent. We should remember that before we judge the actions of people hit with some new hardship in the middle of an already difficult situation.

Being poor means that someone who has never been poor will never really understand what it's like.

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 03:37 PM

Very facile piece, but the lack of personal experience shows. For *really* being poor means *not* having two things you mention several times: car and house.

The bit about being six bucks short on the utility bill is also a tip-off to the writer's imagination. Being poor actually means *always being a month behind* in the utility bill. And it also sometimes means having your phone or lights or gas -- or all three -- cut off.

And the really telling part is that a landlord is not mentioned *at all.*

Christ. Next time at least *ask* someone who is or has been *poor*.

Stuff like this is a pill. You write it to display yourself, not to encourage any understanding.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 03:38 PM

Being poor means you no longer have to fill out the forms at the 'payday loan store' because they have your information memorized.

Being poor means eating off of stranger's plates while passing through the restaurant to wash up in the bathroom.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 03:38 PM

Being poor means your child's reward for doing well is 3 M&Ms. If he gets six, he knows it's a special day.

Stand4Democracy | September 3, 2005 03:39 PM

Being poor means realizing that lady they just interviewed on TV at the Superdome is just like you -- even though we both thought we were middle class.
Being poor is knowing that neither one of us matters at all to America anymore.

anon | September 3, 2005 03:39 PM

I joined the military so they would fix my teeth. I brushed everyday. And flossed. But never had dental insurance. Only got cleanings maybe once in my childhood.

Great post.

John Scalzi | September 3, 2005 03:41 PM

"Bad teeth are not about poverty: it's about bad memes."

Unless, of course, you contientiously care for your teeth and they go bad anyway, which happens. Or you hit something and break a tooth, which happened to me. I was in college when it happened, so I was covered by my school insurance, but if had happened over the summer I would have been in trouble. It's pretty easy to say "well, you should just take care of your teeth," but while it's easy, it's also missing the point by a considerably large margin. The point is when something goes wrong, for whatever reason, being poor means your options are limited, and what options you have are often likely to cause you pain.

The problem is people who aren't poor or who have never been poor often don't grasp why it's difficult to escape poverty -- you can do everything right in terms of trying to improve your life situation (and there are many people who are poor do), and yet just one thing going wrong can mess the whole thing up.

Your taking classes in college can disrupted by a kid or parent getting ill. Your saving for a house of your own gets undermined by some jerk ramming into your car at a red light. Got a plumbing leak? There goes the school clothes money. When you're middle-class or well-off, you can absorb a certain amount of the crap life throws at you. When you're poor, you really can't.

Being poor is not having any margin for error. The problem is that life only rarely lets people get through it without error.

JShaker | September 3, 2005 03:43 PM

Man......I'm poor and now i'm more depressed than ever

otherdeb | September 3, 2005 03:49 PM

Being poor is being downsized at 50 or older and having to take a job at 1/3 of what you used to make because after hundreds of interviews it's the only job offered.

Being poor is having to commute two hours each way by public transit to a job that is 4 hours a day and pays minimum wage.

Being poor is feeling useless because all your life you were taught to pull your own weight and now you can't.

Being poor is wondering why the heck you have to start all over again yet again.

joe | September 3, 2005 03:51 PM

Thank you. Gave me chills.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 03:54 PM

Being poor means working double shifts at the nursing home while attending full-time high school and living in an abandoned burned-out home with no water, electicity, or doors - at 16.

SAP | September 3, 2005 03:54 PM

Thanks, John.

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 03:55 PM

Being poor does *not* mean you get to terrorize a city during an emergency.

Being poor does *not* mean you get to break into an electronics store and stock up on iPods and TVs during an emergency.

Being poor does *not* mean that while you're an evacuee you get to turn your surroundings into a pigsty.

Being poor does *not* mean you magically have carte blanche to discard manners or consideration or all norms of sociable behavior.

I see this bullshit time and again from people who have *never* been poor: the stench of covert condescension. That filthy bleeding-heartism that in its vomitous dewiness too often can't distinguish between a simple *lack of money* and *bad behavior*.

Being poor does *not* mean you get to do whatever the fuck you *want* to do. Understand that *first*.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 03:58 PM

Being poor means Thanksgiving dinner is a lone cheeseburger at Burger King between shifts.

Being poor means paying by money order.

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 04:00 PM

>>>Being poor means paying by money order.

-- and hating those ebay sellers who will only accept PayPal. (It is strange that they never notice that PayPal-only sales *always* have fewer bidders and *lower* winning bids.)

John Scalzi | September 3, 2005 04:02 PM

Mike Cane writes:

"Next time at least *ask* someone who is or has been *poor*."

Well, let's see, Mike, which of the things on the list would like me to admit happened to me? Or maybe you'd prefer something off the menu:

Should I point out to you that I'm the first one in my immediate family to graduate from high school, much less college?

Shall I describe to you the taste of Government-supplied peanut butter?

Will being able to describe the inside of a social workers office be sufficient for you?

Should I mention that for a long time I made more than every other member of my immediate family, combined? And get this -- it wasn't that much that I was making.

Maybe you'd like me to tell you about the time my mother had to send my sister and I away for a year to live with our aunt because she'd had a back injury and couldn't work or afford to keep us with her.

Or perhaps you would like me to mention that one of the primary functions in my family is to serve as the emergency bank, for when the lights are about to go off or a tire goes flat or one damn thing or another is about to happen unless there's money on the table right now.

At what point, Mike, will I have accrued enough poverty cred to suit you?

Don't imagine that I don't write from experience, Mike.

Your argument here is largely boils down to "you can't have been poor because you're not poor as I define it." Well, see, Mike. There's lots of different ways to be poor in America. In some of these ways, you have a car (especially if you live in California). In some of them, you might even have a home. We did, for a while, when I was young. We had a nice big house and we looked pretty prosperous and then one day my stepfather's business went into the tank and suddenly people were leaving charity boxes of food on our front step. We did eventually lose the house, though. That should make you happy.

As for the landlord not being on the list at all: As you can tell by the number of people chiming in, the original list is by no means exhaustive.

james | September 3, 2005 04:02 PM

being poor does not allow you to wear big football jerseys and shoot people.

Merrie Haskell | September 3, 2005 04:03 PM

Being poor means sitting on top of the washer for each load of laundry, holding the button in until your fingers are numb--so the washer doesn't stop. You can't afford to replace it, let alone get the problem with the button fixed.

Being poor means not bringing home information about field trips or yearbooks or music lessons or anything with a price tag attached, so mom doesn't feel bad when she has to tell you no.

Being poor means selling down your meal plan at college to buy textbooks.

Being poor means deciding to work fast food for minimum wage because at least there's a lot of cheap, discounted or free food in it for you.

Being poor means getting yelled at by your richer friends for making them feel guilty because you can't afford to go to a movie. Saying "I can't afford that" hurt their feelings *way more* than it hurt your pride to admit it when pressed about why you wouldn't go. Or some crap like that.

Being poor is an inheritance. Sometimes it gets worse, sometimes it gets better, but it doesn't go away unless you're smart and lucky both, and someone along the way teaches you a few of the key principles. My family of origin still doesn't get delayed gratification in terms of saving money, and frankly, if my husband didn't work with me constantly on our finances, I'd have bankrupted us by now--not wilfully, but because being poor means not understanding how money really works.

otherdeb | September 3, 2005 04:04 PM

Oh, yeah.

Being poor means that even after you get unpoor and clean up your messes, you still get denied things like a checking account because the system can keep your error on their record for 7-10 years, even though you did clean up your mess as quickly as you could.

annonymous | September 3, 2005 04:07 PM

being poor does not allow you to wear big football jerseys and shoot people.

I wondered how long it would take the assholes to show up. What kind of a world do you live in? What if all poor people are not perfectly behaved every single second of ever single day then they are all bad, bad people?

What exactly are you trying to say?

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 04:12 PM

>>>At what point, Mike, will I have accrued enough poverty cred to suit you?

As you can tell, this subject hits a sore spot with me. Especially not mentioning the landlord.

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 04:13 PM

>>> What if all poor people are not perfectly behaved every single second of ever single day then they are all bad, bad people?

This is exactly my attitude with both politicians and corporate CEOs.

WhatTheHellWuzYerPoint? | September 3, 2005 04:15 PM

> being poor does not allow you to wear big football jerseys and shoot people.

No, you've got to join the Army to do that.

Strangely, most recruits in the Army come from very poor areas.

Dirty | September 3, 2005 04:18 PM

Being poor means understanding that Internet flamewars are a tragic waste of time better used bettering yourself. Use that time and effort to build yourself up rather than tear a stranger down- you'll feel better afterward.

John Scalzi | September 3, 2005 04:18 PM

Mike Cane:

"As you can tell, this subject hits a sore spot with me. Especially not mentioning the landlord."

By all means, then, add a few lines to the collection. There's (sadly) always room for more.

Also, everyone, let's not let the occasional jerky statement derail the thread. Ignore the obnoxious; respond to the people who are saying good if confrontational things.

Renatus | September 3, 2005 04:20 PM

Many of these really hit home. The ones that don't are only because in some ways my mom was really, really lucky, purely by accident; we lived in a rural town that was relatively inexpensive and often had family nearby when things got really dire and they caught wind of it. It so often could have been so much worse. There but for the grace of God go I...

annonymous | September 3, 2005 04:24 PM

Takes a deep breath.

Not trying to flame, it's just that I truly don't understand how listing the bad bahavior of some poor people mitigates any of the discussion here. I mean, so what?

The fact that a poor person has committed a crime doesn't make them any less poor. That a poor person can also be an asshole, or a wife-beater, or a Republican voter doesn't makes the fact of their poverty any less.

Caroline | September 3, 2005 04:32 PM

chris, people who are not poor can also have difficult, shitty lives. Nobody's said otherwise, so can you kindly stifle the "hey, what about me?!" urge

Yes, that's quite true. But poor people are not exempt from those same difficulties I assume you're talking about (illness, divorce, misfortune of all kinds) and must cope with them against a backdrop of poverty and the never-ending crises that are part and parcel of that.

Things that never need be considered by people who are more well off become insurmountable obstacles for people who are poor. Yes, middle class people's parents have heart attacks too, but they don't have to worry about how they'll get back and forth to the hospital to see them. It's the enormous and never ending complications attendant on everything one tries to do without money that grinds people down.

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 04:35 PM

Being poor means being relieved when you answer the knock on the door and it's a friend, not the expected landlord looking for the overdue rent.

Being poor means your money is eaten away by fees: for money orders, for cashing a paycheck.

Being poor means not being able to take advantage of all the really great sales that come along -- because they only seem to happen when you don't have the money in hand.

Being poor is knowing that even though a company is paying a temp agency $X, they'd *never* pay that to *you personally* as a salaried employee.

Being poor means being stuck around people who want you to continue to be poor.

jill | September 3, 2005 04:35 PM

Being poor is having the grocery store checker give you dirty looks and make comments to the next customer about "my tax dollars being wasted" when you use food stamps to buy a day-old cake on sale and a package of birthday candles for your child.

Being poor is being overwhelmingly grateful that the next person in line says to the checker, "I can't think of a better use for my tax dollars than to pay for a poor child to have a birthday, you heartless prick."

Magenta Griffith | September 3, 2005 04:37 PM

Memories of poverty last your whole life, and affect your whole life.

I was quite poor in my twenties. I managed to get through college, the state university when it was still heavily subsidized.

Poverty is checking your college textbooks out of the library because you can't afford to buy them.

Poverty is walking everywhere, and feeling far less poor when you find a bike for $10. And ride that bike 12 months a year in Minnesota.

Poverty is never going to the movies.

Poverty is never eating meals out. Poverty is peanut butter sandwiches, every day.

I still use tea-bags twice. I won't eat ramen, because I ate far too much for too long. I consider myself well-off because I have a lot of books and I never skip a meal. I know exactly how much things cost, and shop at two supermarkets because one has cheaper prices on produce and meat, and the other has cheaper canned goods. And I know the usual price of everything I buy on a regular basis, so I know whether the "sale" price is really a good deal.

And when it is, I stock up, just in case.

mary | September 3, 2005 04:43 PM

Mike Cane wrote: Being poor means your money is eaten away by fees: for money orders, for cashing a paycheck.

Yes, this is so true. I worked for a bank for a while after finishing my bachelor's degree, and here's what I learned:

Being poor means the bank doesn't want you as a customer.

Being poor means you will pay the highest fees for every service.

Being poor means you will pay the highest interest on any loan.

On the other hand--

Being rich means all service charges will be waived on your accounts, because you're a preferred customer.

Being rich means never waiting in line, because the bank manager greets you when you come in and takes you to a customer service representative who handles your transactions.

abi | September 3, 2005 04:46 PM

Being poor is mixed fruit jelly (identifiable flavors cost more) with the mold scraped off.

Being poor is green tennis shoes (worn with skirts) for your school shoes, in a town where even the 10-year-olds know a designer label.

Being poor is knowing how to sew.

Being poor is powdered milk - skim milk was the good months.

Being poor is being astonished at how harsh brand new sheets (rather than the ones from the Goodwill) feel when they're given to you as a present.

Being poor is pawnshops.

Being poor is having a lower Social Security number than your classmates in high school, because you had to get one young to get welfare.

I'm not there any more, but many of these posts brought me back.

Angel | September 3, 2005 04:46 PM

Being poor is $5/week for food, for three people, one a nursing mother.

Being poor is tuna mac (.25, because the tuna is WIC) that lasts 2 days.

Being poor is putting 2/3ds of the food on your child's plate, then adding half of your own because she's having a growth spurt.

Being poor is timed-out chicken from the truck-stop that your husband brings home.

Being poor is 3 jobs, two toddlers and one car.

Being poor is the laundry done in the bathtub and hung to dry on the porch.

Being poor is finding prostitution a valid way to pay the electrical bill, and then lying to your spouse about where the money came from.

Being poor is the WIC milk you dilute with WIC powdered milk as the month wears on.

Being poor is the 39c. can of peaches that looks like an extravagance. The one you hoard in the cupboard for weeks because you know you can't afford another.

Being poor is exploding at the old lady who has taken all the 20c bread at the day-old store to feed to the fraggin' SQUIRRELS.

Being less poor is buying TVP at 79c/lb and mixing it half-and-half with hamburger to make five pounds go 12 meals.

Being less poor is living close enough to work and the store and the library to walk and NOT have to buy gas.

Being less poor is 10c for a packet of seeds that produces zucchini in your yard all summer.

Being less poor is figuring out which creditor you lied to last month and have to pay this month.

Being less poor is keeping an exact record of every penny spent, so you know exactly where you can pare back next month.

mythago | September 3, 2005 04:53 PM

Caroline, I'm not disagreeing with you. My point was not that poor people suffer no more than rich people; my point was to the original poster, who seemed to take "poverty sucks" as a personal insult and a suggestion that only poor people can have bad things happen.

As an aside, one of the things I do in my spare time is volunteer to represent San Francisco residents who are being evicted. At their income level, in San Francisco, this means homelessness.

I tell you this not to display my saintliness, but to put into perspective a conversation I have not infrequently with other members of my profession:

ME: ...no, I'm really tense about this case. If we lose, Mrs. Smith and her nephew have nowhere to go. She's on a fixed income. What if I screw up and it costs them their apartment?

OTHER LAWYER: Wow. Well, it could be worse. I mean, what if it were a big commercial-litigation case, and you screwed THAT up, and lost twenty million dollars for the client? At least the pro bono cases are over, what, five hundred dollars or something?

(Pop Quiz: do you think the Other Lawyers who make such remarks have ever been poor?)

abi | September 3, 2005 04:53 PM

Being poor and having been poor is so much more common than we think of, isn't it? Look at everyone adding things into this list. But we don't talk about it.

I have two friends with whom I ever discuss the poverty of my childhood, both now well-paid and settled. One never eats eggs, because scrambled eggs on toast was her mother's end of month money-saving meal. The other reads stories to every child she is near, always, because her mom worked too hard to have time to do so for her.

Reminds me of miscarriages, which many people have had, and still suffer the memories of, in silence.

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 04:56 PM

Being poor is reading this book -- http://tinyurl.com/8gxs6 -- and crying because you *finally* found others who understand. (Note: I have no connection other than as a reader.)

Being poor is library fines.

Being poor means you don't count (unless you are pretty).

Being poor means hating that you were ever poor.

Angel | September 3, 2005 04:59 PM

Actually, being poor meant being painfully aware of library due dates for us. We never had fines because we didn't let the books go overdue.

Mike Cane | September 3, 2005 05:02 PM

OK, put that one under the Just Me Then column. I still wind up with fines to this day.<